What would happen if the war ended?
by aoshi02780
Summary: Alright this is something that I did out of boredom, but I hope it's good and hope that you review.......and this is just random stuff I really thought of, literally.
1. Can Ostriches make noises?

**"What would happen if the war ended?"**

By: Kelli St. Pierre……….sadly I do not own Underworld………

Hey guys, well this is just something I did because I was bored and well…..this is pretty much what happens when you're bored. You start typing stupid funny stories that make no sense. But who knows, maybe it will be good, but if you like it, please review. If you do then I'll put more chapters in since I do have think I'll have two more chapters in. I also relize that I haven't updated my other stories and do plan to, it's just that I usually go by which stories have the most reviews and do that story first and so on. But I would very much appreciate it if you did review, thank you….:)….

Just for a head's up this story is just going to be random stuff………….

* * *

The whole gang, Selene, Michael, Lucian, Sonja, Kraven, and Erica, are all in a living room sitting down as each couple has a couch for them.

"It's nice to know that the war is over and all" Selene started as she threw her head back.

"Of course it is, now that I can finally be with Sonja in peace instead of having bullets flying at me" Lucian said sweetly as he draped an arm around Sonja, who to was smiling.

"So…..what should we do?" Erica asked randomly as everyone started looking around doing nothing.

"Um…..we could always fight each other outside for fun" Michael said out loud.

"And what, throw each other's face's in dirt, yeah, sounds like real fun" Kraven said sarcastically.

"Hmm, throw our heads in dirt? What are you trying to make us look like, ostriches?" Selene said, as she sat up a bit and more into Michael while continuing, "That would actually be fun for me to see Kraven's face in the dirt, especially hearing him make an Ostrich noise."

"Um, actually Selene, Ostriches don't make any noises" Michael corrected her.

"Um, actually they do" Selene replied back, as she moved from him and sat up totally.

"Oh really, then tell me Ms. Animal Expert," Michael started, as he to sat up and looked at her, "Tell me what sound they make then?"

"I don't know what sound they make, I've never seen one" Selene said she stared at him, almost as if challenging him.

"Oh, so you've never actually seen one but you _somehow_ know they make a sound" Michael said, accepting her staring challenge as he stared right back at her as much force as she was.

"I don't _somehow_ know, I do know" Selene started, "Every animal has a sound Michael. Unless you're saying that Ostriches can't speak, is that it?"

"No, I'm just saying that they don't make a sound that regular animals do," Michael started also, "A dog goes 'woof', a cat goes 'meow', a cow goes 'moo', a pig goes 'oink oink', and so on. And even if I said that that they didn't make a sound, that doesn't mean they can't, it just means they don't prefer to."

"Prefer to, oh my god," Selene, now finally stood up and stood right in front of him, as she raised her voice a little, "That is the biggest load of shit I ever heard. Ostriches don't _prefer_ to Michael cause they don't _think_ like we do okay. They don't decide in their tiny little brains, 'Hmm, hey you know what, I think that I shouldn't talk', or ,'Hey look, its lunchtime'."

While Michael and Selene argue about if Ostriches _do_ make a sound, the whole gang looks at them as if they have gone mad.

"Oh my god have they gone mad or something?" Lucian said in disbelief.

"Is this what always happens when a war ends and people get bored?" Erica asked, "Are we all going to end like this?" They whole gang, besides Selene and Michael, looked at each other as Kraven whispered out…….

"Were all doomed"

Now back with Michael and Selene, as Michael is now standing right in front of Selene as her eyes have now turned to their icy blue.

"I didn't say they had a mind of their own, all I said was they just didn't prefer to talk or make sounds if they even could" Michael yelled furiously.

"Oh, you know what fine. Since your so god damn good at animals, why don't you tell me how you know that they don't make sounds" Selene asked just as furious.

"Cause I _actually_ saw one" Michael replied back.

"Oh really you say, please, do share your wild encounter" Selene asked sarcastically, pretending to be shocked.

"At the zoo" Michael replied confidently.

"The zoo, oh come one we all know their fake" Selene said fast. Michael all the while raised an eyebrow and replied back.

"I don't know what freak ass Ostriches you've seen at the zoo, but as I recall, don't remember seeing any _fake_ Ostriches as you put it as they were made of skin and flesh."

"I didn't mean that, what I meant was that the animals in the zoo are tamed and always whipped, and that you never really know what the natural animals from nature do" Selene countered.

"Are you saying that the zoo isn't good," Michael said slowly, "Cause for your information, I love the zoos!."

And so, basically Michael and Selene argue about Ostriches and zoos as the rest of the gang watch them…….

Horrified


	2. The earth at the center of the universe?

"What would happen if the war ended?"

By: Kelli St. Pierre……..and sadly I do not own Underworld…….

* * *

We now continue as the whole gang, Lucian, Sonja, Kraven, and Erica, stare horrified at Michael and Selene arguing.

"I mean, come on" Lucian started, "This is absolutely pointless. Who gives a rat's ass if Ostriches make noises or not."

"Well, it seems like Michael and Selene do," Sonja replied as she snuggled against Lucian.

"I always knew that hybrid was an idiot like this but for Selene to do this" Kraven growled, "I think she spends way to much time with him"

"Oh please you're just jealous that he has Selene" Lucian snickered.

"What, no, that's impossible cause little Kraven baby loves me" Erica replied while snuggling against him to, "Isn't that right Kraven baby"

"Um…..right." Kraven replied while rolling his eyes.

"Yes, that is right Kraven baby" Lucian again snickered.

"Shut up" Kraven hissed.

Lucian looks back at Selene and Michael. Selene has pinned Michael down on the floor as she grabs his throat in both hands while Michael has his hands on her neck.

"SAY IT!" Selene yelled down at him.

"NO, YOU SAY IT!" Michael yelled back.

Lucian shakes his head as he says out loud.

"How long do you think this is going to go on?"

"Hmm….maybe until one of them kills one another" Sonja replied.

"Well, what would happen if they killed each other" Erica asked.

"Who care, more barbeque chicken for us then" Kraven said.

Lucian rolls his eyes as Sonja snuggles closer to him.

"I can't believe their going to die over something stupid now that the war is finally over" Lucian sighed, "This argument is as stupid as arguing over that the sun is at the center of the universe."

"Hmm, I know", Sonja whispered, "Cause we all know that the earth is at the center of the universe."

Lucian's eyes flashed as he looked down at Sonja who was still snuggling against him.

"Um….sweetie, the sun is at the universe" Lucian whispered. Sonja looked at him as she whispered back….

"Um, no honey, the earth is at the center of the universe"

Lucian now sat up fully and looked down at Sonja with a serious look in his eyes.

"No, the sun is at the center of the universe. Everybody knows this, even Kraven."

"Hey!" Kraven whined.

Sonja ignored him though and she also sat up fully in front of Lucian as she put her hands on her hips.

"Oh really, well I'm sorry, but I believe your mistaken and that everybody knows that the _earth_ is at the center of the universe" Sonja said a little louder.

"Listen here Sonja, it has been proven long ago that the sun is at the center of the universe by scientists" Lucian said louder as well.

"Yea well I don't believe them" Sonja replied back, "I believe that the earth is at the center."

"This is not about believing Sonja, this is about life facts and this is one of them"

While Lucian and Sonja fight, Kraven and Erica now sit their horrified as they watch both couples fight.

"Oh my god, now it's happen to Lucian and Sonja!" Erica whispered loudly to Kraven.

"Jesus Christ what is this a plague or something!" Kraven whispered loudly to himself.

Now back to Lucian and Sonja. Lucian and Sonja are both standing as they yell at each other now.

"Oh please! Do you really believe in what those human scientists say!" Sonja yelled, "Come on, this Galileo sounds like a total bum to me! And don't even get me started with Newton!"

"What!" Lucian yelled, "What are you a science hater!"

"No, I just have my own beliefs! Which are true!" Sonja yelled back.

"No Sonja, no, your beliefs are wrong! The sun is at the center of the universe cause that is how we get our seasons!" Lucian yelled.

"No, that is not how we get out seasons!"

"Alright, then tell me how we do!"

"God gives us the seasons!"

"God! Jesus Christ!"

So basically now we have Lucian and Sonja yelling at each other as Michael and Selene are still wresting with each other. Kraven and Erica are still sitting next to each other as they both look horrified. Kraven then says to himself…..

"Please, please let their be another war"

* * *

Well, review and tell me what you think, since it helps and all. And I do know that this story is impossible since Sonja died but again, this random so it really doesn't a story behind it. So please review and I'll try to update as soon as possible…..:)…. 


	3. Ken vs Kellydun dun dun

"What would happen if the war ended?"

By: Kelli St. Pierre……….sadly I do not own Underworld……..

* * *

So now we come back to see not only Selene and Michael fighting, but also Sonja and Lucian fighting as well. Kraven and Erica are huddled up together praying for a war to happen soon! 

"Jesus", Kraven whispered out," First it's Selene and the hybrid, then Sonja and the lycon, what the hell is going on!"

"I don't know", Erica whispered back," But whatever is happening, it sure is awesome"! Erica jumps up and grabs a bowl of popcorn out of nowhere as she shoves handfuls in her mouth. Kraven sits up quickly as he to starts eating popcorn out of the bowl. Both are now not even an inch scared as they were seconds ago, instead, their even making bets.

"Alright, I'll give ya ten grand if Selene wins," Kraven started," And another ten grand if Lucian wins."

"Oh please! Ten grand! That's child's play," Erica replied," I say we make it twenty-five grand! If Lucian and Selene win, I get it! If the hybrid and Sonja win it, you get it! Deal?"

"Deal!", Kraven said excitingly.

Kraven and Erica are on the couch, cheering as if they were in a wrestling match stadium. At times Erica would be up, and then Kraven would be. After about ten minutes, Selene and Michael end up randomly having swords as they whip them at each other. Lucian and Sonja made themselves spear with their planets on the top.

"Muhahah! My sun shall melt your pathetic earth!" Sonja laughed evilly.

"Sure Sonja, if it was bloody real!" Lucian yelled back, as he whipped his spear, with the planet earth on top of it, right at Sonja. While with Michael and Selene….

"Hah, take that!" Michael yelled as he thrust his sword right at Selene. But Selene being cool as she always is, just catches his sword in one hand.

"Jeez Michael, did the animals in the zoo teach you how to fight with swords as well?" Selene replied coolly as she charged at him.

"How dare you insult not only me, but my precious animals!" Michael yelled back as he charges as well.

Kraven and Erica are yelling like crazy over on the couch.

"Come on Lucian! You always acted so tough when I was with you! Kick her ass already!" Kraven yelled out with popcorn spitting out of his mouth.

"Hey! Come on Sonja! Kick that lycon's ass!", Erica yelled out.

"Come on Lucian! Drop it like its hot man!" Kraven yelled out girlishly.

Everybody stopped and looked at Kraven.

"Um….that's very disturbing Kraven" Erica said, as her eye twitched.

"Erm……yea……um, continue….." Kraven said weakly.

Michael, Selene, Lucian, and Sonja start fighting again.

Kraven and Erica lay exhausted on the mat from cheering as the fights were still on.

"Jeez, when do think this is gonna end?" Kraven panted out,

"I don't know, but I hope soon," Erica panted back," Cause when I win the money, I'm going straight to J C Penny's."

"Really?" Kraven asked.

"Uh, duh, yea haven't you heard there's a sale! Twenty-five percent on everything!" Erica squealed.

"Oh my god! Even the toy's department!" Kraven squealed back.

"Yea! Even the Barbie dolls since I know how much you love them!"

"Yea, I mean, come on, Ken is just so delish", Kraven sighed dreamy, as if he were a school girl.

"Yea, but my favorite Barbie doll is little Kelly! She's so cute!" Erica laughed out.

"Yea, but Ken's better" Kraven laughed back.

"Um, no, Kelly is," Erica laughed back.

"I believe you're wrong, Ken is better"

"No, Kelly is."

"Ken!"

"Kelly!"

"Ken!"

"Kelly-bird!"

"Kenny boy!"

"Kelly belly!"

"Kenny Lenny!"

Now both Erica and Kraven are up yelling back at each other, about who is better than the other one. So now we have Michael and Selene fighting about if Ostriches make noises, Lucian and Sonja arguing about if the sun or Earth is at the center of the universe, and now we have Kraven and Erica arguing if Kelly or Ken, the Barbie doll, is better. Kraven randomly got a Ken doll as Erica randomly got a Kelly doll, as they both beat one another with them.

Now that the whole gang is fighting, what will happen next?

* * *

Hurry! I'm back! I'm sorry it took so long, I've been grounded for a while and wasn't able to type up anything. And not only that, but school has been a pain as well, with all these stupid projects I have to do. I don't know when I'll be able to update my other stories, but I hope soon since I'm not grounded anymore. I really tried to make this chapter good since I've been out for a while. So review and tell me what you think about this chapter, but more importantly, about the next chapter cause I'm not sure if I should end it here or not. So until next time, see ya. 

P.S……..Kelly- bird is what my dad calls me……:)


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